Learning to Write again

Am I spending enough time with myself? Am I having enough conversations with me?

Probably, I will give this entire piece to AI once, for 'improving the text' before I hit publish. I often recall the time when I wanted to pursue my entire career around writing, even thinking about it now gives me chills. I wonder how am I so out of practice, when I was clearly a journal girl. Having conversations about how many novels I had read, often competing with my peers about the abundance of knowledge I used to consume from reading offline. 

I have the entire knowledge well condensed in the tiny device 'smartphone' I carry everywhere like the tiny metal ear piercings stuck onto me. I have the INTERNET to surf among the gazillions of stuff about the world, word, wealth, war, and so so much more. Yet I find myself scrolling and hooked to some user generated content, their entire day vlog, or some recipes, or any stupid 1 min video. I change reels and than change apps to take a break from the other..

Where am I headed to? 

Waking up to see the wall or desk clock is not a very distant memory, sleeping on the novel I was reading last night is just half a decade ago. So what has changed, the curiosity, the will to look beyond my parameter, or the ease of having all just a click away. I wonder how are kids raised with smartphones in hands are like. I can still hear my pumping heart, and the adrenaline rush while I was on the road alone to buy my favorite candy, I had rehearsed the lines so many times 'Nana buniya dena, 2 rupaya ka'  and than I had to take the remaining change from him. This short communication was an act of courage and valour for an introvert kid like me. I wonder what good are smartphones with ease to order all essentials in one tap doing to those young hearts like mine were. Are they still pounding while adding items to the cart, do they know the rustle of money, and the anxiety to calculate the change in our minds before the vendor hands it back. 

When did I stopped writing, was it this smartphone that hushed my pen?